“P.T.S.D”
P.lease T.ry S.omething D.ifferent
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It's not like it used to be
Not like it used to be
He said, c'mon suck it up
They said, it's time you just moved on
She said, wherever you go, there you are
And all I heard was
Nagging voices
Barking orders
Missile raids
In my head
I mean,
It's not like it used to be
You see me here, but I'm so far gone
See me here, but I'm so far gone
He said, you can make a career out of this
They said, thanks for your service, but they never ever listened
She said, you have PTSD
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
But can you
Please Try Seeing Death
And then have nothing go wrong
Because you
People Triggered a Social Disease
Because you don't hear shit
After we come home
Not like it used to be,
She said, you have PTSD
Post Terror Soul Disorder
Passively Timid Sometimes Dangerous
Pathetically Trying Slowly Dying
Potentially Terminal Spiritual Disease
I mean, what if I said
Fuck your
Stupid cliches, about picking yourself up
Off the god damned ground
Or letting go of the past, or
Wherever you go, there you are
What if I said
Fuck you
America
You're the disorder
Your greed, your selfishness, your lies
& what if I said
Please be forewarned
I'll be emotionally detached
When you need me the most
I'll be present but gone
& silently celebrating each slow breath
knowing they bring me one step closer to death
& what if I said
I cannot love you, because I
Cannot love myself
What if I said
I'll just stop talking
For months,
Because I may as well, be dead
& what if I said
The only reason I can make art or write with a passion is because I can hate
My paper
My pen
My self
& relationships gone like
Rounds down range
Self confidence lost like
Missing in Action
Simply struggling to move forward
No traction
Spinning.
Spinning.
Spinning.
Out of control
Won't you
Please Try Something Different
Fuck your judgement, your excuses
Won't you
Please Try Something Different
Fuck your pills, your prescriptions
Won't you
Please Try Something Different
Fuck your meaningless, good, intentions
Won't you
Please Try Something Different
I mean, just give me
A set of ears to finally hear
My truth
And shoulders to cry on when I finally
Break down
Just give me
A yoga mat and some good
Fucking weed
A war that hasn't started
A country without greed
Just
Please Try Something Different
& maybe I'll get some hope back,
Because I'm stuck in a hell
Of hopelessness
& maybe I'll stop scanning rooms
& environments & just rest
Maybe I'll stop judging myself
& just accept me for me
I mean, fuck,
She said I have PTSD
& that I had problems with trauma
Before the marines
Couldn't differentiate between
Childhood abuse
And war's excuse
Of freedom, of home
Like pain is weakness leaving the body,
Unless it doesn't leave so you just leave your body
Suicidal thoughts
Maybe became habitual
& cadenced, like
Left, right, left, right
But what's left when you finally come home
Nothing's right
& nobody knows
That anything is wrong.
Please.
Try.
Something.
Different.
Copyright Jeremy Berggren
